I WROTE A LETTER TO MYSELF

           

Dear Nitzs,

Hey man wassup , I know you must be fine, I know you. I also know how  you are feeling today , bit sad na . RIGHT…… I know I m right. But dude listen one thing and remember this for rest of your life. Don’t ever…… ever ever ever ever  fall in love. Actually I am writing this letter for future  ,  whenever you feel like felling in love just read this letter .  Let me tell you what happened almost a month ago(the day when actually something bad ever happened in your life). You were happy as always u were  , rather say me because you and me are same its just the timeline which differenciates us.

So coming back to me , I was feeling like I was on the top of the world , reason a girl , actually I met a girl few days ago , we started chatting on FB , then exchanged our mobile nos , we messaged a lot , we shared everything .  I don’t know how? but we developed a bonding between us , atleast I thought that way.  I felt so good in the morning  whenever  she used to message me “good morning……. Wake up dear…… J” , it used to make my day.

We used to talk almost everynight , we shared what we did the whole day , I used to sleep by hearing her voice. Man it was such a great feeling , may be I was in love , not due to her looks but by her nature , her way of talking , her emotions, the care she  used to show towards me ,  expressions she used to give me. Man I was so much in love .

But I was not as lucky as I thought , suddenly the frequency of our talking decreased , I thought she might be busy these days and after some days we’ll get back to our normal routine , but this continued , though I had that that ‘missing somebody feeling’ inside me but I tried to be normal , at least in front of her and my friends , but still I had that burning feeling in my heart , I wanted her that badly , I missed her a lot , whenever I was not in touch with her my favourite time pass was to browse her profile , her pics , at least I had her on my laptop if not beside me.

One fine day , I am calling this day as a   fine day  because it taught me a very important lesson of my life , so one fine I got back early from my office as I haven’t talked with her in morning so I opened her fb profile , was checking her pics suddenly I saw  some guy wrote something on her wall , I checked all comment and was so surprised ,because her comment were the  same as she used to message me , I said to myself “ dude these are lines you used to get  in your inbox, these are yours , how can she  say these lines to that damn b####y guy , these are mine” , I felt same as I used to feel in my childhood days when my sister used to sleep on my mom’s lap. I felt like crying , actually I cried. I was feeling so empty , she gifted my heart to a random guy , which I gifted to her. I controlled mys emotions , I am good at fooling my heart , just patted my heart and said “buddy don’t worry you are with her and always be.”

I packed my bag , applied for leave in my office , went directly to airport and took  the first flight available to her city. Reached around at 12 am , checked in a hotel  , messaged her “hey what’s your address I want to send you birthday card , its coming na…. pls send.” Her reply came within a moment “ XXXXXXXXXXX…..” it was damn long message. I messaged her back “ at what time will you leave to your office…..”.

She” around 9 am….. but y??”

Me”juz like dat….. J…… ” , actually I wanted to surprise her , wanna see that smile on her face when she would see me , because that would be for me , ONLY FOR ME. . .

She  ”ok…..  what  are you  doing”

Me ”nothing just going 2 sleep…… gud n8 will msg u in morning….. bye take care till then”

She ”Ok bye…..gud n8”.

I went to sleep but couldn’t as I was too excited to meet her  , hug her , man I seriously wanna feel the warmth of the first hug I would give to her.

Don’t know when night ended. when I saw my mobile, it was 7 in the morning. I got up and was too happy that I am gonna  meet her finally J .  wore my favourite shirt as it was her also.

Reached her PG around 8:30 am , waited there for her , time was just not passing by , but I controlled my heart , told him ” dude just few minutes more” , I saw it was 9 but she didn’t came out , I still waited  and waited and waited . she came out from her Pg around 10 ,  I stood up and was about to call her, saw a guy stopped his bike in front her , she hopped on his bike . I rushed towards a taxi and told the driver to follow her. He gave me a weird look  , I showed him a  1000 note . He started his taxi and we were following her. They stopped in front of a CCD  , went inside , I followed them. Took a corner seat from where I could hear her.

She” oh man It’s been so long…… so happy 2 see u   ”

Mr x “  yeah dear , i was also waiting for this day…… but why u replied  so late  last night”

She” nothing……. A friend was messaging me…… i messaged him or he would have disturbed me whole night……”

Mr x” when did he message u ??”
She” around 12 was asking about my address …. Don’t know y??”

I checked my mobile , shit man I was the only one who messaged her and asked her about address. So finally I started getting the whole story  , why messaging and calling went down.

Suddenly that guy went to the counter to get something , now I was able to see her face , I don’t know what happened but  I forgot everything what she told about me to Mr x. I was just looking at her face ,  suddenly my phone beeped , my attention broke , I saw it was message from her “ hey swee ….. sorry I forgot to message u…… wake up late ….. I had 2           rush to office…… anyway  hav food n take care”.  I replied her” sure , u also take care….”

That guy came back to table with a tray , they started eating , I sat their just cursing myself man , why did this happened to me , I loved her so much , what went wrong. I never hurted her , I always took care  of her , never made her cry . I was weeping from inside  , I felt like crying but controlled my tears as I didn’t want to grab her  attention. Didn’t want to make her day bad and embarrass her  in front of that guy because  she may lose him as I lost her. I stood up, went to washroom closed the door started flush and shouted” Ahhhhh………..” . tears started coming out. I cried their for almost 15 minutes , came out.

Saw they were almost leaving , as she walked towards the door , I felt like someone just tore my chest  and took my heart and walking away ….. I  was  helplessly watching my heart going away . I followed them  , they both were standing with their hands holding . they hugged , I felt like someone is taking my dreams away , this was my hug  , I should have been that guy , holding her hands . I again felt like shouting  .  I tried stopping my but my tears  rolled down my cheek  , I put my head down to wipe my tears , again I looked up , I was shocked , they were kissing , I couldn’t look more , just turned around and walked away .

I was walking in  my burning thoughts that I want to  kill that guy , suddenly heard a sound , kind of something happend , and what I remember next is that I woke up in a hospital. My mom was sitting beside me  , her hands  was on my forehead , eyes full of tears. But the first thing I remembered was my angel kissing that guy. I was not able to control myself , I hugged my mom and started crying like anything , I was so weak that I felt unconscious again .  When I opened my eyes next time  my dad asked” son. What were u doing in delhi …..”. I couldn’t answer him. May be he understood  I don’t want to talk about that.

Later I got to know that I was ran over  by a bus  , I was almost in a comma for 5 days , doctor told my family that my heart beat was very high  which is a rare case.  And this is me after one month recovering from my accident  , didn’t even had  a  look at my mobile even once , as my mom gave me  her ‘KASAM’ , as she saw my mobile and understood everything . she might have messaged  me but I don’t know.

So dear future nitesh don’t ever get involved with a girl because this won’t only break your heart but would also make your parents cry. But I know this heart won’t understand anything , It  will beat as hard as  it is beating now. ……….  But I  wrote this because someone told me “best way to express your emotions is through writing………….”. And I don’t have anybody to express my emotions right now …….. hope this would have went right………. But life don’t give you everything you want…………